A Relationship Breakup - You Will Get Over It

After a relationship breakup, everything in the world can seem bleak and depressing. The most important thing to remember is that this is a normal reaction. Anytime anything "bad" happens to us, we go through a period of grieving. A relationship breakup is no exception.

When a relationship ends, you have a loss. There is the loss of a person from your life who you've spent lots of time with. The intimacy you shared with this person now feels gone, and it's common to think you will never have or sometimes even want that with another person. Breaking up can simply feel like the end of the world.

But it's not! You need to put your ex boyfriend or girlfriend in the proper perspective so you can move on. This isn't easy to do, but itís important that you start trying as soon as possible.

You'll get tons of advice on how to deal with a relationship breakup. You'll hear everything from ìburn all your picturesî to ìhop back on the horse and find another relationship.î You will know which approach is best for you, no matter what anyone says. Donít try something that worked for someone else if it doesn't feel right.

Give yourself permission to feel bad at first. Whenever you have a loss you go through the same stages of grief as you do when thereís a death or any type of ending, with the degree of feeling varying from situation to situation.

1. Denial is the first stage of loss after anything difficult like the end of a relationship. This can't be happening!

2. Next, pain and guilt set in after the shock and denial start to fade.

3. Anger comes next, as does something called bargaining. If I do this or don't do that, maybe we can get back together. I'll never look at another man as long as I live, if only . . . .

4. Depression and loneliness set in, once it's clear that bargaining won't change the painful truth.

5. The next step is the lessening of depression when things start to seem a little better.

6. Then comes the hard part of working through it and getting past it.

7. The last stage of grief after a relationship breakup or any loss is acceptance, and hope for a better future.

It can help to try to figure out which stage you're in, and to know that everyone experiences something along these lines. Not everyone will go through every stage and they might not even be in order.

You might never start bargaining, for instance, especially if you know it's really and truly over. But most people's grief process will follow that general pattern. It's important to recognize that there is a final stage, and that stage means you've gotten past it.

Try to put your relationship breakup into perspective with other important things that have happened and will happen in your life, and remember that you'll eventually get to the acceptance stage, too.

Where To Go To Get Quality Advice For A Breakup

When you’re ending a relationship, it can help to get breakup advice from people who’ve been where you are. You might talk to a relative, friends, people you trust, or you might look for breakup advice online. 

There are probably thousands of websites out there telling you how to break up with someone, how to handle the separation and how to move forward. But some of the advice you’ll find can actually make the bad things you’re feeling even worse.

First, you’ll find sites that are designed to convince you that you don’t really want to break up with your ex. There are number of books available on the subject. Look at your local library or bookstore and you’ll see probably a dozen books or more telling you how you can save the relationship.

That’s all great, if you really do want to save a relationship. There might be advice in those books and on those websites that can help you heal as a couple. The thing to watch for is breakup advice that makes you change your mind from wanting to move on to wanting to make it work, all designed to sell you an eBook or a regular book on just how to do it.

Remember that no matter how tempting the pitch is; you went looking for advice on how to move on. Not on how to go back into a situation you’ve just gotten away from. Avoid reading sites and books like that unless you’re really unsure you’ve made the right decision.

Then there are sites that will encourage you to move on too quickly. Often, these are designed to get you to sign up for a dating service! Think carefully. Do you really need breakup advice telling you to forget the time you’ve had with your ex by quickly getting back into the dating scene?

The point is that much of the advice out there is designed to sell you something that you probably don’t need. It’s a good idea to look for advice online. Just be sure that you can recognize the obvious pitches and sort the real advice from things just designed to sell you a product.

Most really good help online can be found at websites of relationship experts and people with education in human relations. They might have an eBook or book to sell, too. But they have experience-counseling people and have credentials to show they know what they’re talking about.

Your closest friends can be a good source of advice, as long as they are supportive of you and don’t have any kind of attitudes about your ex-relationship. When you’re ending a relationship, it’s hard enough to deal with without good friends telling you “I told you so” or about what a loser the person was anyway. 

Talk to friends who respect what you’re going through and don’t just start putting down your ex. The best breakup advice will come from people who only want to see you happy again.

Should We Make Up or Break Up?

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How do you know when it is really all over?  Is it when one of you calls it quits?  Or, is there still hope even when someone has walked out?  This post will look at relationships and rather you should break up or make up.

There are numerous reasons that relationships break up.  Some of them are even good reasons.  For instance, if you are just leading your partner on, it is right to cut him or her loose.  If he or she isn’t trustworthy, that is a good reason for a break up.  Of course, sometimes people’s lives change and the partner no longer fits into the total picture, in which case, it is good to end the relationship.

So, when do you make up? 

There are two components to saving a relationship.  First of all, you have to both loved each other.  But that alone is not enough to save relationships from breaking up.  For instance, partners of different religious faiths may love each other but find that love alone can’t bridge the difference in their outlook for the future.

You also have to be able to see a future together.  If you can’t see the person in your life in six months, you might as well separate now, even if you have a real bond of affection.  And, if this is a serious relationship and you can’t see yourself marrying your partner, you will be doing both of you a favor by calling it quits.

If you are going to make up, you need to reflect on the relationships break up.  Why did things go sour?  When you have identified the root causes of the split, you can begin to fix things.

It may take time to fix things.  While your ex may not be willing to jump back into bed with you, they might be willing to be friends and to work on the relationship.  In fact, after a relationships break up, you may not want to start right back where you left off.  Instead, take some time to rebuild the romance in your lives.

Here is some advice for people who are wondering whether to break up or make up:

First of all, listen more than you talk.  Don’t always try to explain your position.  Try to understand your ex’s.  Also, listen without planning a rebuttal.

Next, remember to do the things your ex likes.  If she likes it when you buy her flowers, get a dozen roses.  If he likes it when you go to his football scrimmages, go.  This shows that you pay attention to their wants and needs.

Show your ex that they are on your mind even when you are not around.  You can do this by calling or texting them.

Call each other by loving or pet names.  This brings exclusiveness to the relationship.

Try to have fun again.  Too many times, relationships become too serious.  Communication becomes paramount.  But, dating is supposed to be fun.  Try putting the serious issues aside from time to time and focus on enjoying each other’s company.

When it comes to relationships, break up is hard because you have invested so much in the other person.  Because of this, making up is sometimes the better answer.

Tactics For Persuading Your Spouse To Stay In A Marriage

When your partner seems minutes away from packing their bags or you're living separately already convincing a spouse to save a marriage can seem next to impossible. If you take a step back from the situation, though, you can see that there are realistic options for changing the mind of a spouse whose about to walk out. Here are some strategies that may just get your partner to come around.

Fake it 'til you make it

It's a common strategy for business and other areas of social like, but acting

“as if” can work for marriages, too. It works so well because how we act has a major influence both on how we feel and on how others see us.

For a while, try forgetting that you have anything but a perfectly blissful marriage and treat your spouse accordingly. Now, that's not going to be so easy if your partner's still bitter and liable to pick a fight. Still, you can take advantage of those times when things are going well to try to see your spouse as the person you were deeply in love with when you decided to get married.

Be reasonable

Whether you want your spouse to join you in marriage counseling or just try out a few tips you picked up from a book, you'll have more success in winning them over if you don't push. Threats, guilt trips, and begging are more likely to push your partner away than give you any success convincing him to save a marriage. Instead, use a calm logical approach that taps into the underlying regard you spouse most likely still has for you or at least for the children.

Statements like 'With everything we've invested in each other, don't you think it's worth a try to save it?' or 'Wouldn't you rather be able to tell the kids we tried everything?' can help.

Address the problems

When convincing a spouse to save a marriage, promises to change ring pretty hollow unless you can back them up. If you expect your husband to believe you're not going to repeat certain mistakes in the future, give them a real reason. This is especially important if you've had an affair or you're struggling with an addiction.

For instance, if you've started counseling to resolve an addiction that you've never dealt with before, your partner has a reason to believe things will get better.

Take care of yourself

The stress and low mood, marital problems naturally bring about, can leave you feeling like you just don't want to do anything. For your own sake, though, don't give in to that feeling or you'll only make yourself feel worse and drive your spouse farther away.

Make sure you're eating right, getting enough sleep, and not cutting corners on personal grooming. Stay on top of your responsibilities like finances and home maintenance.

Convincing a spouse to save a marriage isn't always easy, but it can be done. The most important thing you need to do is stay calm, stay upbeat, and actively look for solutions to the problems between you.

If you need more advice on convincing your spouse to save a marriage, most marriage counselors and professionally written self-help eBooks online can give you some tips.

For The Men - How To Keep Your Girlfriend

 

Show Her You Love Her

Your girlfriend more than likely will not kick you to the curb for interrupting her during her favorite tv show, but, you do need to know a few things that might have her telling you that she “needs her space”.

A lot of you gentlemen assume that you know how your girlfriend is wired, but some things that have never crossed your mind might surprise you.

You can shower a woman with gifts, spend every day taking her to all of her favorite places, even wine and dine her and that still will never be enough for her.  She must hear the words, “I Love You” very often to even consider the relationship credible.

Of course, your girlfriend doesn’t negate the time you spend with her or even the wonderful gifts that you shower on her: but her mind just tells her that if she doesn’t hear those three words, that evidently you have changed the way you feel about her (even though you just told her yesterday).

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What you must understand is that women constantly go over and over in their heads about how their relationship is evolving.  Men assume that if there are not any disagreements, that everything is fine and dandy.

Don’t Ignore Her – Listen

Let’s think about something.  If you started a conversation with your girlfriend and the subject matter was very important to you and you looked up and she was not paying attention to you at all, how would that make you feel?  Well, that is what happens to a lot of women when they are conversing with their significant others.  Most of the time, you don’t even realize that you are doing it.  The secret is to put all other thoughts and activities aside and take the time to really, truly listen to what she has to say.  It may seem trivial and unimportant to you, but it is VERY important to her.

Now, that is not to say that you should disallow yourself “your” time, it just simply means that if your girlfriend approaches you at a bad time you should simply ask her (nicely) if you could talk later when you can give her your full attention.  If she loves you, then she will have no problem allowing you to finish what you are doing and talk later.

Learn How To Use Honesty

We have learned from small children that we should always be honest, but we all know that sometimes a little “white lie” goes a long way.  That does not mean to not be tactful, it just means that staying neutral can make a relationship a lot more peaceful.

So, what does that mean?  Well, let’s say that your girlfriend asks you, “Does this color look good on me?” The correct answer would be, “You look good to me in anything that you wear”.  That might sound kind of silly right now, but try it and you will see how nicely your girlfriend responds.

If you and your girlfriend keep an open mind, allow each other an ample amount of “space” and “me time” and keep the drama to a controllable level, you should have the ultimate dream relationship

 

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Top 4 Tips To Getting Your Lover Back

   

If you’re dealing with a breakup right after the holidays, undoubtedly one of the main things on your mind is how to get lover back. While it may seem impossible, there is good news! Even if you think that all hope is lost, there are proven ways that have helped thousands of people reunite with their lost loves and even improve their relationships so that they never have to go through the pain of a breakup again.  

If you’re ready to try to get lover back, here are four easy steps that you can put into motion that will help you achieve your goals. While every persons situation will be different, these four proven methods will get you started on reconciliation and will help smooth the road back to togetherness. Even if you think the relationship is past fixing, thousands of people just like you have utilized these tips to achieve happiness. 

Tip #1 - Leave the past behind.  One of the biggest obstacles that most people face when they want to get lover back is that they cannot leave the past behind. If you want to forge ahead and start over, this is the first step you’re going to have to take. That means forgiveness, and while it’s not the easiest thing to do, if you can accomplish this step, the rest will be a breeze. 

Tip #2 - Make the First Move.  If you are waiting for your ex to come crawling back, you may end up waiting a long time. Sometimes, you need to take that initiative, even if you are not sure that it will end up in your favor. Most times, a broken relationship can be easily fixed if at least one person can make that first move and say those three little words, “I am sorry”.  

HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK | THE MAGIC OF MAKING UP COURSE

Tip #3 - Don’t Go Overboard.  If you are trying to get lover back, it’s only normal to want to do everything in your power to make it happen. For many, this means calling their ex many times a day, driving by, or generally becoming a nuisance. Unfortunately, this has the opposite effect and may drive your ex further away. Limit yourself to one call a day or even every three days. The next tip goes into more detail on how to use this strategy to your advantage. 

Tip #4 - Become Desirable.  It’s only human nature to want what we can’t have, and this is the absolutely key to get lover back if you have failed with all of the above tips. Instead of sitting around, calling your ex constantly and moping, you need to get out there and have some fun. Schedule a girl or boys night out, and don’t be afraid to bump into your ex. When they see how vibrant and fun you are, they’ll start to wonder if maybe they wrong.   If you consistently use these tips, you’ll be on the right road to healing that relationship and you will be able to get lover back.

Staying Friends After Breaking Up

Relationship breakups don’t always mean that the person you’re breaking up with needs to be cut completely out of your life. Many people continue to have warm and satisfying friendships with their exes by making sure that their relationship breakups are done without hurting anyone more than necessary.

There are situations where you know that you don’t really want that person to continue to be in your life. Maybe things that happened during the relationship are just too painful. You feel like you can’t forgive him or her for what they did.

You might be surprised later on once the initial hurt has passed at how differently you feel. While the chances that you would want to get back together with that person are slim, you might discover you really miss having him or her in your life.

This is never truer than when your ex was your friend first. When you had a great friendship and that lead to a romantic relationship, relationship breakups don’t just end the romance, but now you’ve lost that great friendship, too.

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 It doesn’t have to be that way, though, if the other person wants to keep you in his or her life, too. The only way to find this out is to have a conversation about it. You might be in for a pleasant surprise to discover that your ex still wants to be friends, too.

If you talk to your boyfriend, though, and he has an attitude or is angry and doesn’t want to continue a friendship, then accept it but don’t burn any bridges. Don’t go out with an attitude or become insulting.

There is always the chance that he can’t see past the hurt and anger he is feeling, and could change his mind later. But if you throw a few parting shots to make the pain and hurt even worse, you might be sabotaging your chances of having this person as a friend later.

Relationship breakups are never easy, and it is not necessarily easy to stay friends afterwards. This is true even if you were best friends before you began the romantic relationship. When you’re in a romance with someone, that person knows intimate details about you and your life.

And after a breakup, some people might see those tidbits of information as weapons. It is very easy to insult someone in a way that you know will really hurt him or her when you’re hurting, too. The desire to lash out or to protect yourself by striking the first verbal blow is a natural emotional response.

No one knows the little details that can wound you quite as deeply as someone you’ve been in a relationship with. If your ex uses these little things to hurt you, try to keep it in perspective. Yes, it is painful, but he is coming from a place of anger, too. Don’t fight back like that. Take the high road, and be respectful. Even if your relationship breakups don’t end in you remaining friends, you’ll feel better for not making the situation even worse.

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