Surviving a breakup can feel impossible, especially if you
didn’t really want the relationship to end. But even if you were the one who
decided it was over, it can feel crummy to have such an important part of your
life end. There are three important things you can to help with surviving a
breakup.
First, let yourself be sad. It is natural to not want to
feel sad. None of us likes to be upset or depressed. But when a relationship
ends, no matter who ended it, you lose a part of your life. If you haven’t been
dating long, the sad period probably won’t last that long. But for a long-term
relationship, you might be sad for a long time.
It is important, as painful as it is, to allow yourself to
feel that way. The tendency is to avoid those feelings and try to move on to
something that feels better. But being sad is a necessary step in the healing
process.
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Letting yourself feel the sadness will let you deal with the
emotions and the pain. Remember that surviving a breakup is more than just
moving on. If you can deal with the bad feelings, you’ll be better to able to
experience the good feelings that come when you’ve moved on.
Second, keep busy. You have to deal with the sadness and not
deny it or push it aside, but that doesn’t mean you can or should let yourself
wallow in it. If you feel like spending the entire day in bed crying, you can
let yourself do that. But the next day, even if you feel that way again, make
yourself do something else.
Let yourself cry for an hour, and then find an activity to
help distract you. Even if it’s only watching a movie, at least you’ll be able
to concentrate on something else for brief periods of time.
Keep in mind that no matter how “active” your activity might
be, sad thoughts and memories will still creep in. Even if you’re solving a
hard puzzle and concentrating to distract yourself, now and then a memory will
pop up and your mind will be back on the breakup. This is normal.
You just have to deal with the feeling briefly and not let
it sidetrack you. Feel it, cry for a bit if you need to, and then keep
concentrating on your activity. Soon, the sad thoughts and feelings will pop up
less and less when you’re doing other things.
Finally, decide to forgive your ex. Surviving a breakup
isn’t just about leaving one relationship and looking for another.
You need to resolve things in the old relationship to help
you be more emotionally healthy in the next relationship. If you were hurt in
the relationship, forgive your ex for his or her part in that.
This might seem an impossible task. Start by realizing that
it really does take two, and that surviving a breakup is more important than
having someone to blame for it.
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